Interesting experience several months back. Tae-kwon-do tournament - Legoboy was testing for the next belt up; the instructor had separated out the white and yellow stripes to a different test day, so Legoboy only had one other person testing below him; everyone else was above him. The other girl was testing for green belt and entrance onto STORM team (Special Team of Role Models - intended for students up to age 18, with higher expectations of behavior and well, being a role model ;) - the standards are HIGH). Legoboy was already on the STORM team and testing for the next higher belt.
There were a few white belts and yellow stripes at the test just to watch. They look up to these higher belts.
This post has two parts - they are inter-related. Bear with me for a moment ;)
All was going well, for the most part. Those two youngest-children-lowest-belts-testing both have some "attitude" issues to work out, hopefully during their childhoods so they don't have to deal with it as adults. The instructor/master got after them both, publicly; because they are now role models and it needed to be made clear 1) where the bar is placed if you're going to be on STORM team; 2) those lower belts are watching and need to know what behavior is acceptable to copy; and 3) their display of negative behavior was public and at least once for each of them directly affected the test results of someone else.
Before anyone gets riled up about a public chewing out - please note these facts:
- the TKD master has been at this for 20-or-so years. The combined years of all instructors present was well over 100 years. They have turned around children with SEVERE behavior issues (far beyond anything displayed on that test day); and even had a child with severe ADHD and allergic to all medications for it. They KNOW what they are doing. They are NOT ripping these kids apart.
- The higher belts - they messed up too. And they got their own chewing outs, as well as the push-ups. In front of everyone. You mess up in front of everyone, you're doing push-ups. Period.
- It's not like "everyone look over here while I give this kid push-ups and everyone stare at him until he does them all" - NO! It's in a very busy place, with a LOT going on. A FEW people might be watching at any moment; but we all know those lower belts eyes were everywhere taking everything in.
During this particular test, a lady came in a bit late and sat with a friend of hers in the "audience". They chatted a bit, then I heard the new lady say, "Wow, there are a lot of homeschoolers here." The lady who had already been there said, "Really!? How do you know?"
"Oh, I can spot them a mile away!"
(inwardly I'm groaning - this is going to be one of those "homeschoolers have no social skills, are social recluses, thus they stand out like a sore thumb" and I started to slide away (I was sitting on the floor videotaping key moments of the test for various people) - but I couldn't get away fast enough before hearing more - I'm glad I got stuck ;) ).
She started to identify each and every homeschooler present at the test (I know several homeschooling students weren't there as they weren't testing that day). Every. Single. One. Including the ones with "perfect behavior and social skills."
Wow. I stuck around to hear more.
She explained that there is a confidence about those who homeschool - an inner peace that exudes outward, even through their particular personalities which can't be affected by the type of schooling they have (HER words! not mine! Wish they were mine!).
Interestingly enough, my son and the other girl noted above have some similar issues; and they both had "addresses" during the testing. Yet, my son stood out as the homeschooler and the girl stood out as the public schooler.
INTERESTING SIDE NOTE: She did not, at that time, see any of these children interact with their parents. All parents were in the "audience" and it was not clear who belonged to who. The students interacted amongst themselves and with the instructors present.
During a break in filming, I approached her and asked if she could give me specific points about each child that made her say "homeschool" or "traditional school" (she didn't differentiate between private or public schooling). She admitted to me that the only time she got the homeschool label wrong was if a child attended very good private schools that use multi-age grouping in its various forms (Montessori, Waldorf, etc.). Otherwise she couldn't really pinpoint just too much as much as just read her instinct.
She reiterated the inner confidence that is a very different confidence from those who attend most public schools. She mentioned a particular type of innocence that can't seem to be breached no matter what goes on in life.
She said that there is something about the conversation style, mannerisms during interactions, that are very different between the two groups.
And, not knowing which child was mine, she quickly pointed out she was not judging either group - just had this innate ability to separate them out from one another.
So I did ask about the two youngest. "How do you know? They are so similar."
The girl is hard, she said. Layers of hardness. There is a bitterness in her, but she wants to be loved - she knows she is loved, but her needs are so great that she is protecting herself. She probably has to protect herself at school because she has low real confidence in herself, thus she has become hard. It seems this tae-kwon-do program will be good for her and she will likely pull out of her current state, in time, with lots of support and maintenance of standards such as I see here. She has trouble with authority except when its getting after her. She probably has a mom and a dad at home or at least both are a consistent part of her life, but she doesn't spend as much time with them.
The boy is crusty. He has been hurt and is in need. I presume he has no father at home because of the way he looks to all the older boys and the adult men with such focus; he has other signs of paternal abandonment. I see him discerning which men to look to and which he ignores. This tells me he does have a strong man in his life and he is seeking those characteristics in others. Yet, he has that sense of innocence and that sense of confidence I mentioned that go hand in hand with one another - a confidence in his own value, thus a maintenance of innocence.
(she didn't know that Legoboy has several strong men in his life, but close enough!)
She also said something about each one responded to being reprimanded - their styles and mannerisms; but now, several months later, I can't quite re-capture the same words she used. My own observations: the girl pouts and stops trying until an attempt is insisted upon; Legoboy argues insisting he is right even after proven wrong, then does it the right way and keeps quiet, only later apologizing but never in the moment.
So. I asked her about socialization. What she thought about it. She said the important thing is to have true self-confidence in one's own value, not pumped up, not artificial, not over-protected, but a balanced and real life. She saw that all the TKD students present that day had a proper self-confidence - regardless of their schooling; but there was always something different about how each group interacted with each other and respected their authorities.
So do homeschoolers need more or different socialization, I asked. Is there anyone here who homeschools, who stands out as needing a change of scenery or are being inappropriately schooled?
All of them here have got it right, she responded.
On a "do-nothing" day - or perhaps I had just gotten up and was working at home for the morning - since my headcovering isn't on yet. Legoboy secretly took this photo on a spy mission of his.[/caption]
one spoon of sugar...
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