Reality Check

I've seen other bloggers choosing a word for 2013.



My word: REALITY.



Reality is that the Proverbs 31 woman had a husband (who sat around chatting with the other man at the water-gate, which is a topic for a different blog post!).



Working from home has HUGE blessings.



And many, many curses.



The worst curse? Everyone expects that because you're at home you can do literally EVERYTHING.



Homeschool the child.

Prepare all meals from scratch.

Keep the kitchen spic and span.

Keep the living room clutter-free.

All the bedrooms are beautiful.

The bathroom SPARKLES.

You are available any time noon or night to take every phone call and respond to EVERY e-mail within 5 minutes.

And you can't possibly have a degree in business management so you need to take every piece of advice that comes your way from each customer who "realizes" that you have an at-home business and thus must NEED business advice.

Let's not discuss the balcony.

Or the inside of the car.

And I must have the perfect schedule for my child's sleep and waking.

Did I mention 24/7 availability, because hey - I'm sitting at home all day with nothing to do.



Nope. What I NEED is a reality-check.

Look, I set myself up for it - I did it. No-one MADE me open two in-home businesses (I couldn't find suitable employment and where I live now, I can't do full-time daycare in my home). No-one made me choose to work at home (I couldn't find suitable out of the home employment). No-one made me be a single mom (I could have given him up for adoption - and I prayed about that - for six long months). No-one made me homeschool (but I tell you what - considering our lives right now - it's a GOOD thing we do! If he had to follow the school schedule, there would go the few blessings we have left). No-one made me accumulate the amount of school-debt I have (I let myself be deluded into the myth of "justifiable debt" - I didn't have to fall for it).



So here we are. Having the roughest day of the year thus far.



I need to spend time on some projects that will be great long-term income; but I have the short-term income to cover first.

I'd refund everyone's orders and just focus on those long-term projects, but then we couldn't pay our rent (due tomorrow) or the utilities (due tomorrow) or the phone and electricity (due Monday).



Reality is that we DO make food from scratch, because it is healthier and we do it together - it FORCES me to spend time with my son doing something healthy and productive.
Reality is we don't have ample outdoor space for as much gardening as we want, so the homemade food gets our hands "into the earth" and keeps me grounded.



Reality is that I'm happy if everything is sanitary (it usually is). I would love no clutter, but then I'd have to take away my son's free-will. And probably my own.



Reality is that I DO have a minor in business management and I know the mistakes I am making - and they are NOT the ones that people are giving me advice on. Sorry. I know you all are trying to be SO helpful, but it can stop now. It only slows me down. And you want your products.



Reality is that all these people say, "If you'd only asked for help, I'd've SO been there!" And I've been asking for help. For 20 years. I'm not saying I've had none. I have certainly been blessed in many, many ways. But if I hear that line ONE MORE TIME, I will honestly, probably scream. I'm that over-the-edge about it. I've been asking. Pleading. And all I get are accusations when I say or do something that makes someone uncomfortable. How dare I state the truth because it makes someone uncomfortable!?



REALITY.

Our home must be maintained.

We must get moved into a real house.

We need outdoor time every day.

I CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH.



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The chores will be done by me and my son at the appropriate times (as in not put off until tomorrow if it should have been done today), even if it means doing them until we are bone-tired and can't yet go to bed because they didn't get done when they should have. Lesson learned: nothing necessary gets put off.

Strict work hours. No "over-time". No rush orders.

Set time everyday to work on those long-term income projects.

The computer is turned OFF at least 12 hours a day. And during the 12 hours of on-time, e-mail is turned off for at least half of every hour I'm actually ON the machine. That means decreased response time for Keys of the Universe, but it also means higher production efficiency and higher likelihood of finishing promised projects. My sanity comes first. Once balance is restored, the computer can be on in the background again. Background. Dings with a new message.





I have spent my entire childhood and adulthood thus far biding time. Putting in the hours. I'm burned. I can't even say I'm tired, because I don't know what it means to NOT be tired. I care so much that I am caring myself right out of existence.



Reality.



Reality is that God loves each one of us anyway. He loves me. Even when I feel so utterly unlovable and undeserving.



May I strive to remember that fact always in the coming year. And let HIM be the one in charge of my life.