If by "mean mommy", one uses the definition: a mother who holds true to her personal principles and strives to raise a child into an independent adult.
Note that this definition does not pass judgment on any other mother, or father for that matter, in any way, shape or form. This definition simply says that in this fallen world of imperfect human beings, each parent strives to their best job raising the child(ren) entrusted to said parent, in the best way that they can.
I personally would not want to raise a child based on principles I don't believe in. And I would RARELY judge another parent for choosing to raise a child according to their own principles, which may be wildly different from mine. The exceptions: physical and emotional safety. If you're going to beat your child and lock him in a closet for days on end - yeah, I'll judge. I can be totally honest about that.
If you raise your child eating ice cream for breakfast - I'll buy the ice cream on my way to your house for a morning play date! Because that is YOUR choice as a parent! (ok, in that case, it happens to be mine too - Saturday morning ice cream is something of a tradition around here - but let's see... if you choose to raise your child in a home where all the children have the same first name (Foreman family comes to mind) or the same first initial (Duggars) - that's up to you! I won't be going there, because that's not my place.
You want to send your child to a particular school, or not, or unschool or not, or homeschool or not - or do some funky combination of all sorts of schooling. Have at it!
But I am a mean mommy. Why? Because of an arrangement my son and I agreed upon. I shared this agreement on Facebook and received some borderline hate mail. All private thus far, but really!? Why!?
It comes down to finances. On principle, I do not believe in a free-ride in life, despite anything a particular extended family member might have to say about me. I do believe in love/charity and making oneself a gift to others - but a gift to others does not equal a doormat, and when children are involved, the best time to learn responsibility is from a young age. That does NOT mean slave labor, folks! It does not mean "no fun!"
It means that I provide all the necessities (true necessities!) of life, plus a lot of the "wants" (some Americans consider these "wants" as "necessities" and that is where the "mean mommy" syndrome comes in):
Necessities:
- routine healthy meals, appropriate clothing to the season and age, suitable shelter
- education and educational supplies for core subjects, which includes basic art
Wants/Extras:
- enrollment in "electives" - extra educational options that are directly related to the core subjects or ones that I deem as "required" in our household - more art is included here
- lots and lots of books - reading material for the fun of it, as well as educational options
- Netflix and similar services - both for fun and for education
- daily desserts and treats that are not so healthy ;)
- transportation to/from scheduled events (tae-kwon-do class 2-4 times a week, speech class, tournaments, belt tests, playdates, museum trips, lego store monthly builds, home depot kids workshop monthly - just to name a very scant few)
- use of digital camera and video camera
- use of the computer to play a browser-based history game
So the rest of the mean mommy???? My son and I have agreed that HE has to pay for the following:
- any and all treats above and beyond what I would ordinarily provide - we do a lot of food-related mystery shopping and I like my treats too - so it's not like he is deprived in *any* way of routine junk food!
- he pays for almost all lego purchases from his own money (he also receives gifts from me and from others on birthdays and christmases) - this "gift" and "earn" mentality has led to him being quite generous with gift-giving. He saves his money and initiates conversations with people - "So if you could have anything for Christmas, what would it be?" and he does what he can to make it happen! You should see his gift-giving list just for this year alone! It is HUGE. Much longer than what he is asking for!
- Desired purchases that do not fit our household budget. His first big purchase? Lord of the Rings Extended Edition DVDs. At $75, we couldn't afford them, when we had a perfectly good set of widescreen editions. So he saved up his money; and bought them. When we went to order them online, the price had dropped to $49 - so he had an extra $26 to put towards his next purchase: Kingdom Lego sets. That was 2 years ago. Those are still valued items for him and he has set up longer and longer term goals for himself.
- Tae-kwon-do tournaments. Half the tae-kwon-do belt test fees. Keep in mind, I pay for a uniform each year (all he needs, although this year joining STORM team, means an extra uniform due to the change in color); I drive him to every event; I provide services for the fundraisers and make sure all is in place for his continued practice and growth. I pay for his YMCA membership and his godfather covered the tae-kwon-do class fee itself. So the extra fees are not all bad for a young man to cover.
And we still have a house full of STUFF. Yick. So he's not lacking in good old American consumerism! Despite my mad attempts to the contrary!
He takes on odd jobs with family and neighbors; he works on projects for me; he receives birthday and Christmas money; he helps to sell items that are useful to someone else but not needed here.
He just seems to be growing into a strong spirit of working hard and sharing the fruits of his work with others - because he CAN; because the work and therefore the fruits are truly HIS to *truly* give to others. Yes, he comes to me for guidance (he IS 8 years old after all!), but for the most part, he is free to share his fruits - instead of hording it all for himself because mommy gave it to HIM and him alone; or because "I know I can get more, so I don't care if I give it away." He gives because he has true ownership. He only asks for something from others when he hopes to have something to give in return. He is empowered to know he CAN work, that his work is valuable, and that he can take care of business.
If I am waffling on a purchase for his schooling or for fun and saying "well, I'd be willing to pay x-amount, but the price is y-amount", he calculates the difference himself and if he wants whatever the item is, he brings me the difference and covers it. I never ask for that! Most recently, that happened with a museum center membership. Turns out, I got an educator discount so I returned the money he offered me, but he was still wanting to let me keep it anyway, towards the membership, just to be of help to me. I did give it back anyway, and he re-distributed the money back into other goals.
I did not teach him those things. I take no credit. I do take credit for working WITH him.
Yep. Mean Mommy. If that is defined as all of the above, OK, you've caught me ;)
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